You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
