porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
