What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
