just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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