the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize