I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize