i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
