More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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