marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
