I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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