so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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