Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
