Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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