i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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