We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
