I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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