I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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