Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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