addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
