Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
