i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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