please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
