We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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