Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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