Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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