I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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