Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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