Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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