I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize