I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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