am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
