How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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