Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't make out with my wife yet
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
