I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
