yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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