Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
These tits shall not be calmed
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