I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
