thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize