Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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