She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
