can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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