i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
