porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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