I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
