some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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