it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
