your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
