Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
