Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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