I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
