remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
