I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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