I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
two words: eviction party
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
