I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
