but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This baby is an asshole
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't turn off my feet"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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