He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
