i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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