I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
