i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
