Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wanna go halves on a baby?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
