Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
