youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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