Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
